Wanderlust TCK is moving!

After looking around at some other blogs, I finally decided to move mine to a different host. Blogger hasn't been bad, but from what I've seen so far, Wordpress is just more flexible and has a wider range of options. There's also a slight change in theme, but instead of describing it, why don't you go and check it out?

I'll keep this blog up for a while at least, so if anyone has linked to it or bookmarked it, this page will still exist.

Mid-Week Stream of Consciousness

Today is one of those days when I feel like my head is a claw vending machine. My thought process has just been incredibly slow (and I don't know why) and I can never find the information I'm looking for, even if I know that it's already stored somewhere in the lump of grey matter in my head. I keep aiming for the big stuffed teddy bear, but I seem to catch everything but that bear.

On a different note, I came across a video this morning made by someone who (in part) runs the TCK website TCKID. It's a video of people he knows at his hospitality school (I think that's what it's called anyway) in Switzerland. He knows a bunch of TCKs there and since he's graduating this year he decided to make a video of all the people he knows explaining their 'story'. It's great to see so many people with similar stories - similar in that we can all relate so well to the basic experience, and yet disimilar because they are so varied in their content. It's made me realise how much I've missed that international feel at university. I mean, I know a couple of what they call international students, but they're more like 'foreign' students - students who still come from somewhere specific and have their own culture. And to be honest, they don't necessarily mix that well with other students. They aren't international students in the same way as I am or as those people in the video. In fact, in the 4 years of my degree so far I've only met 2 TCK students. Most of my friends/acquaintances are 'local' students. I've become friends with them, but there's always this feeling that I can't really talk about what I've done in the past, because they just won't get it - especially when so many of them haven't even left Europe.

Also, again changing topics as quickly as George Bush does when asked a question on foreign policy, I'm beginning to wonder if I should've done something along the lines of hospitality school. It would certainly enable me to travel, live in interesting places and probably interact with like-minded people. Hopefully this is just another brief wandering of my mind and not a continuation of the complete lack of direction and the general uncertainty I seem to have with regards to my future.

Ah, the French...

Why is it the French can't have a 'normal' bureaucracy system with the typical level of red-tape you find in most Western countries? For some reason they decided they had to make it far more complicated. My issue with them at the moment concerns obtaining a carte vitale - the card that ensures you're at least partially covered by health insurance (I believe it's around 70% coverage). In France, when you go to the doctor, you show your carte vitale, pay the full fee at the end and then get reimbursed 70% of the cost. No carte vitale, no reimbursement. When I was living in the UK I applied (and received) a European Health Insurance Card (EHIC), which covers UK citizens when they travel within the EU, but now that I'm a resident in France (and don't have a UK address), I'm no longer covered by said EHIC card. I'm also paying a contribution (taken automatically 'at the source' from my monthly salary) towards the French social security. Which means that I'm entitled to use the French system and, ergo, a carte vitale. Simple, right? Wrong.

Well, kind of. I am actually entitled to all of that, it's just a matter of convincing the French that this is the case. The first time I went to the CPAM (Caisse Primaire d'Assurance Maladie) de Haute Savoie, they told me that I was covered by the EHIC card and wasn't allowed to get a carte vitale. At the time I wasn't sure on the rules for this, so I didn't argue about it too much and left (although not without first asking why, in that case, I was making a contribution to the French system if I didn't actually benefit from it, but their reply was that that's just how it is).

I did some research when I got home and found out that I'm not actually covered by the EHIC card. This could've been quite serious, since if I wasn't covered by my parents' private health insurance it would've meant that I'd been skiing uninsured for the last 3 months... Anyway, a few days later I went back. This time I spoke to another woman and I tried a different approach (using words that were a little more vague) and, presto, I got to the next step. Which is a person in a room who quite clearly hates her job and couldn't get rid of me fast enough. I'd come prepared, with copies of every single paper I have in my possession (pay slips, birth certificate, passport, rent agreement, work contract, bank information, etc.), so I was feeling pretty confident by this point. I should've known better.

Turns out the bank information I had wasn't good enough. In France you have what's known as a 'Releve d'Identite Bancaire' (RIB), which is the information needed for someone to pay you (in the case of them needing to reimburse me). Normally you have to ask your bank for all of this information, which is printed on an A4 sheet of paper, however my bank had sent me this nifty little card with all of the same information on it. Rumor had it, said my bank, this card could be taken with you in your wallet and used exactly like one of the flimsy paper RIBs. Turns out, that rumor's wrong. So the woman took all of my papers and information, except my RIB, and told me to return the following day with a paper RIB (which I had at home, and by this time was cursing myself for not having brought). I did this, and put it in the mail box on the outside of the building she'd indicated to me the day before. I figured that was it, I'd get a letter soon-ish asking me for 2 pictures for my card.

Sure enough, this week I finally received a letter. Except inside I found my RIB and accompanying letter, with a note saying that I needed to provide my social security number... except I don't have one yet. So god knows how they're keeping track of my payments, but I'll worry about that later. Anyway, I went back into the CPAM today (I have to take time off work each time to do this as well) and explained the situation - all I wanted to do was attach my RIB to my file. Of course it couldn't be that simple though. Normally a file is only accepted when ALL of the information has been obtained (including the RIB), but in my case for some reason my file was already 'en cours' (in progress) which means that they couldn't do anything with it (although nobody could explain the reason why it was suddenly untouchable). I now have to wait for them to send me a letter giving me my 15 character social security number and asking for my RIB. Then I can send that in, and in theory, finally be asked for 2 pictures for my card.

However, since I'll be leaving in 2 months, it's all beginning to seem a little pointless, especially since guess what happens when I leave the 'departement'... that's right! My carte vitale is no longer valid. Besides, if I even get my carte vitale before I leave I'll consider a miracle - or at least a triumph over the French red-tape in the face of adversity. Something like that anyway. What I care about most anyway is my social security number because as far as I know that's what I need in the future to prove that I made payments into the system (in particular for my pension in who knows how many decades), and in theory that should be the next thing to arrive. I highly doubt it though. I have a sneaky suspicion I'm not going to hear from them again...

But it's this kind of unhelpful attitude which the French have which really puts me off ever living here for an extended period of time. It's ok for holidays or short periods, but I can't see myself putting up with it for more than a couple of years. Once you get to know someone they're fine, but with strangers (foreign or French) they're very unwelcoming. Sadly it's pretty much endemic and is like that even between people on the streets (for example, it's amazing how many rude comments you get from pedestrians or fellow bikers when you're cycling on a cycling track, because they think you've encroached on their space - when it's either them who's doing the encroaching or when there's plenty of room for everyone and you're being perfectly respectful of their space).

Anyway, enough of that - if you've made it this far, congratulations. I'd give you a cookie for your trouble, except... well, I can't.

On a different note, I decided to clear the hot air in my head after all of this by going for a walk along the lake after dinner - it was very windy today (which helped with the clearing of the hot gases...), so there were some impressive waves on the lake (impressive given the size of the lake anyway):

A not so exciting weekend in the life of the wanderlust tck...

This weekend has got to be my laziest one in Annecy so far. This is about as close to doing literally nothing over a weekend as I've ever come to before. On Friday after work the weather was quite good, so I went for a bike ride around the lake. Right after getting home though, the weather turned cloudy, then the rain came and... well, it's been like that ever since. So on Saturday I slept in late, eventually got up and went into town to buy some cheese from the Cremerie du Lac (a great cheese shop - they buy cheeses and then 'affine' them in their own cave). Apart from that, I've been holed up in my room watching a couple of movies and occasionally watching the clouds pass overhead... it's a tough life.

In fact, my week in general has been pretty quiet, although I decided to go into town one evening to take a few pictures (one of the few evenings in the last two weeks when it hasn't been raining). The best pictures I took are on film, but I took a couple on my digital camera. Some of the locals (actually, most of them are probably tourists) sampling the local ice cream (naturally I joined in - it only seemed polite):

The building below served a number of purposes. It was originally built as a palace (le Palais de l'Ile) for the lords of Annecy in the 12th century, when the counts of Geneva moved to Annecy. However in the middle ages it became the prison and was in use as such until 1865. At one point the local government wanted to destory it, but at the time had some trouble finding the money to fund its destruction. Luckily some people had some sense and started a petition to protect it, which succeeded. It is now listed as a Historical Monument.

Finally, this is the Saint Francois de Sales Church. Initially a church, it was transformed into a barracks under the French Revolutionary occupation, a factory in 1794, apartments and shops in 1812 and finally back into a church in 1923 for use by the Italian community.

My next trip

That's right, I've finally booked my next trip! Here are some Google-sourced images of my destination:

I'll be flying into Budapest and spending 2 weeks in Hungary this summer. I'll be flying solo (well, I'll be doing the rest of the trip on my own as well...), because most of the other people I know are either on a different budget, going somewhere else, or aren't interested for one reason or another. It would be nice to travel with someone else, but on the other hand travelling on my own will mean I can do what I want, when I want, how I want.

Fear of Death

No, this post isn't about how I'm afraid of getting old and dying and how I never want to die. It's about the fact that these days death is such a taboo subject. Sure, we all have relatives who die and we all know that accidents and natural disasters happen every day, killing hundreds or thousands of people. But our exposure to that death is very limited. When I look at my 'experience' of death, I realise that I have been extremely sheltered. I'm 21 years old and have never been to a funeral. Granted when I was living on the other side of the world to my grandparents, it wasn't exactly easy to ship the entire family back at a moments notice when someone died. But for your average kid who grows up say in a European country with his or her family around, the occasional family funeral is probably all they know about death.

I've been 'lucky' enough to have seen more than that while living overseas - from a body wrapped in cloth floating down the Ganges to a body burning in a funeral pyre to the dead man I once saw on a train station platform with flies all over him while on a school trip.

What I don't understand is why people have this fear of showing death. Obviously it's not pleasant, but there's no point in hiding from it. Looking at the two most recent natural disasters in the world - the cyclone in Burma and the earthquake in Sichuan - there are potentially anywhere between 100,000 and 150,000 people who have lost their lives within the space of merely a few hours. Sure, we hear about the numbers of dead and we see images of rescue operations, but does that actually give us a true picture of the reality of the situation? When it comes down to it, a number is just a number, and rescue operations, as important as they are, are only one aspect of it. I believe it was Stalin who said "a single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic". Not that I support his ideas, but he has a point. Consider this: what would affect you more, hearing that 50,000 people died in an earthquake, or seeing a picture of a single child killed by his school collapsing on him? Having lived in Asia for half my life and travelled through Sichuan and South-East Asia, I feel more connected to the disasters than your average European or American, who probably will just see the coverage on tv, say "that's terrible" and then go back to eating dinner.

I'm mentioning this because of some comments I saw here. People call the pictures offensive, but how can a picture portray anything but reality? They can be used to target certain emotions or to get a certain point across, but when it comes down to it, what you're seeing is real stuff folks. Personally I find the pictures compelling and well worth displaying.

It's definitely a cultural issue as well - in Western cultures I find people are far more sheltered from death. I have to say though that when it comes to that, I definitely side with the more Asian view, which although of course it varies from country to country, on the whole displays death but in a dignified and respectful manner.

The Changing of Seasons

The other day, during one of my (frequent) bored moments at work, I was looking at a calendar and I realised that I'm already more than halfway through my stay in Annecy. It's amazing how quickly the first few weeks and months can pass. Before you know it, you're already counting down the weeks to when you leave - whether it's in apprehension over the future or in anticipation of leaving, although it's usually the former rather than the latter.

In the first three months of my time here I've been pretty active - sensibly enough, since I'm living essentially in the middle of the Alps! In the first 12 weeks I've been skiing 12 times, most of the time with fantastic conditions - the season was great this year, with plenty of snow and sun. Now though with the air warming up a bit activities generally involve cycling, walking in the mountains and soaking up the sun on the edge of the lake bien sur! Yesterday I cycled around the Lac d'Annecy (40km) in 1 hour and 38 minutes, which is a new (personal) record. I'm hoping to get under 1 hour and 30 minutes by the time I leave. Last Saturday I also went for a walk on a mountain nearby called the Tournette, although we ended up turning around partway up after the second avalanche... we ended up climbing a lower altitude hill/mountain just next to it called the Col de la Forclaz. This was the view from the top:


Unfortunately work here hasn't improved - I have absolutely no interest in what I'm doing and don't understand half of it. Often my supervisor talks as if a) I've been with the company for years like him and know the organisation like the back of my hand and b) I've taken a course or studied the type of work I'm doing here, neither of which is true. I don't get along with my supervisor either, and my job is certainly one thing I won't miss when I leave. At least I now know not to accept a permanent job like this when I graduate!

Sadly that doesn't significantly narrow down the possibilities - I still have no idea what to do after university. I'm still struggling to see how I could ever settle down, but I often wonder if that wouldn't be the best thing for me. It's funny, when I was younger my parents always thought I would settle down and my sister would keep moving around, but now it looks like it's the opposite. My sister seems pretty happy where she is (and has been for 6 or 7 years now) and seems to have established a life and routine now from what I can tell. But I guess for me it will be a case of waiting for time to run out at the end of university next year, forcing me into taking a decision.

Yes I am alive, and commenting on the delusion of choice

So it's been ages since I posted on here. I've been busy with work, skiing, getting a social life here, etc. and just haven't been 'around' as much online as I used to be.

When I was younger I always thought and said that I'd settle down when I got older, and not live the expatriate life like I did as a child. I was fairly adamant about it and I didn't see why I would change my mind. And yet, somewhere in the last 5 years of my life, that opinion has changed. What I struggle to pinpoint is the reason for that change. I mean, lets face it, any TCK can see that there are advantages of living the 'normal' life and growing some roots. There's the stability, the chance to learn a culture in-depth and, given enough time, maybe even become a part of it. There's the fact that you can surround yourself with friends, who can eventually become very good and trusted friends. If you have a family after you settle down, you can raise your kids in a 'normal' setting. Even if it's not your 'home' country or city, it will be your childrens' home country or city, and that way you can avoid putting them through the same difficulties, struggles and issues that you had to go through.

On the other hand, if I were to do that, would I be throwing away the opportunity to build on the incredibly enriching experience I've experienced in the first 21 years of my life? Somehow I can't help but wonder, despite the price you pay as a TCK when you're growing up in terms of rootlessness, loneliness, lack of belonging etc., what the additional cost of leaving all of that behind would be? Because the thing is, what if all of that good stuff doesn't happen? Obviously if you're going to try to settle down, you have to really commit to it. If you throw the towel in after 4 or 5 years, you haven't really tried. But what if after 10 or 15 years it still just isn't working? If I haven't made the close friends I imagine everyone else who is settled in one place has, if I haven't adapted to the culture the way I thought I would, if I haven't found a girl who can understand me, if I don't like my job, if it turns out I've chosen the wrong place to settle... how do I choose a place to settle down in anyway? On what basis, what criteria? As I get closer to graduating, this question crops more and more often. Soon I'll have to find a job - but 'the world is my oyster' as they say. I have no reason to restrict my job search by any of the traditional boundaries, apart from language perhaps, and there isn't even always a clear line there either. There's no reason why I couldn't just get up one day and decide to go to the other side of the world and live there for a couple of years. It just seems like such a daunting task, that I don't even know where to start - I don't even have a continent to aim for - and as a result I'm getting nowhere on that front.

But I digress. These days, more and more, I feel like I want to continue living as an expatriate. I don't know if it's just become a habit now, or if it's a fear of the unknown (which a 'traditional' life is), or if it's the fear of not succeeding at settling down. If it doesn't work out, I'll have wasted a huge chunk of my life, and for what? And even if I do manage, who's to say it's the right decision? I could be happy, but what if I could've been happier? I guess maybe I'm just reluctant to let go of what has been such a large part of my life. Heck, what HAS been my life.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I don't see any reason why the answers I'm looking for are more likely to come up in 'normal' life than in the expatriate life. Maybe it's just the delusion of choice, but I seem to have lost the way of thinking where I figured that settling down was the way I wanted to live, and it's been replaced by a complete lack of direction and focus in my life, which has been translated by my brain into 'keep doing what you've been doing'. Whether or not that's the right attitude, I suppose only time will tell.

One week to go

In exactly one week and 8 hours I will be starting the first day of work at my new job. I'm getting a little nervous about it already, because I'm not really sure what to expect. I get the impression there will be quite a lot of translating from French to English, which suits me. I'm very comfortable switching from one to the other at a moments notice - probably because I'm used to my parents doing it at home, so I've grown up listening to it and doing it already myself. I also had a translation class a couple of semesters ago at university and always did very well in it, so I'm reasonably confident about that. It's just a new place, new people, new customs, new lots of things and who doesn't get butterflies about that? On top of that I'm a little vague on the exact details of the things I will have to do at work (I have a 'project' description, but my particular role isn't entirely clear...), which certainly doesn't help.

Since I'm not far from Annecy at the moment, I've already moved a lot of things into my studio there and I'm really happy with it. The rent's quite high (because of the location) - it's more than double what I was paying in Belgium - but on the other hand it's completely private (bathroom and kitchen as well), is well situated and is well laid out. I'm looking forward to living there, because I already know two people there and have a feeling I'm going to enjoy the work and the other people I will meet there, plus there are always company-subsidized skiing trips; certainly not something to be frowned upon!

The UN

This isn't very TCK-related, but it's essentially an international topic and it cracks me up. I found an article entitled "Why the United States just doesn't get the United Nations". The article's kind of interesting, but what caught my attention was the second comment, at the bottom:

All very flowery, but why would we (the US) want to support an organization that is blatantly anti-American and works unceasingly to strip all countries of their sovereignty?

I like the American way of life and I resent any organization that tries to strip my rights from me, especially if it’s not an organization over which I have any electoral sway.

The UN displays in innumerable ways its contempt for this country, its people, and our beliefs.

I’m glad that you feel so passionately about the UN. I also feel passionately about it. I think it should be forced from our shores. Let someone else give them a home, but keep them out of our country, out of our politics and out of our lives.

It’s bad enough the control the US government has over our individual lives. Let’s multiply that by 1000 and have a one-world government.

Thanks, but I’ll pass.

As you can see, it's the first sentence that stood out for me. First of all, what, exactly, has the UN ever done that has "stripped the US of its sovereignty"? But more importantly, it's the anti-Americanism claim that bugs me.

Let's use an example. Say you want to go scuba-diving. You don't know how to, so you decide that the best way to do so would be to join a club. So you go along to the club, use the equipment, go on trips that they organise - but you don't pay. Not the membership fee, not for equipment rental, not for transport for trips. So, realistically, how do you expect anyone to respect you, care about your opinion or treat you the way you want? It's the same situation with the US and the UN. They treat it with total disdain, they do not use it as a tool on the international politics stage. As far as I'm concerned, if they don't pay their dues, they shouldn't be allowed to be a member any longer. Sadly I doubt they'd care.

Now it's true that the UN has it's flaws - like any person or organisation. They have had some serious failures, when you look at for example their withdrawal from Haiti in 1993, mistakes in Rwanda in '94, etc. But despite their problems, inefficiencies and oversights, the UN has served a purpose - such as the election in Cambodia in the early 90's (or was it the late 80's?). Or look at statistics. Since the Cold War (which really hindered their work) there has been a huge drop in the number of deadly conflicts and genocides. And as the article above points out, politicians now have an arena where they can discuss and argue about issues around the world. That alone is a reason to say that the UN can succeed.

Mind you, the rest of the author's comment was a fairly impressive display of ignorance as well. Since when has the UN threatened the American way of life? How does it display contempt for the American people and their beliefs? Basically the comment just represents the opinion of an ignorant American who resents the fact that despite being a superpower the rest of the world still holds them responsible for their actions and expects them to abide by a simple human decency that, sadly, doesn't seem to be innately engrained in our souls. Sorry, but that's not how it works. Even if you have more nuclear weapons than the rest of us, you don't have a complete carte blanche to do whatever you want in the rest of the world.

TCKs in the news!

I was just idly listening to a local radio station in Switzerland today (local, but for English speakers in the region i.e. it's a station for international people, called World Radio Switzerland, based in Geneva) and by coincidence they interviewed a psychologist named Rachel Melville Thomas about moving, how to prepare your kids for it, what to expect from them etc. It's great that TCKs and moving families are getting coverage like this, especially in a region where there are a lot of families who work for international companies and organisations and who therefore are highly mobile.

As I listened to the interview, I typed up the questions and answers, because I thought there are probably quite a few people who would be interested in reading about it.

Q: How big a deal is it to move country?
A: Any kind of moving is a big deal, whether it's within a country or internationally. Children like things to stay the same, they like to have a sense of familiarity. Even if parents build up the move, if they say it will be exciting (for example they say that they will be living in a bigger house, they will be able to do activities like ski or ride elephants in India, they will be able to see new things), children won't be convinced - they like the familiar.

Q: When you know that a move is coming up, how far ahead of time should you prepare?
A: It depends on the age of the child. Young children are more or less happy where you are. In this case 2 or 3 months before moving, start practicing with the toddler for the move. For example, I know of a father who, every day after work, played 'moving toys' with his 2 year old. They took a toy truck and the father asked "what should we put in it? This block? This toy?" Consequently the child was prepared for the move and it went well.

Q: What about if the child is say between between 8 and 10?
A: A child at that age can cope with possibilities. Tell them as soon as you have a firmish idea, because they have a 'radar', they can know that something is up - no whispering behind closed doors, they'll pick up on it!.

Q: And what about adolescents/teenagers?
A: This is the hardest group, their whole being is wrapped up in friends and their peer group, activities in that particular geographical place. For some of them a move will be like ripping out the center of their lives. Telling them isn't the hard part, it's about how you manage the reaction. One thing that should be avoided is glossing. Parents tend to gloss - they look on the bright side and don't pay attention to grief. Adults have a wider picture, in other words they can see that the move might make more income for the family, or give a greater cultural experience. This is something that children might not see. Parents worry that their kids won't take it well, so they can go into 'hyperdrive' i.e. they point out only the positive aspects to the move and gloss over the bad bits. There is a school of psychology that says positive thinking is all you need to handle life's difficulties. But it doesn't work! I don't agree with it, especially not for children.

Q: So how do we help kids cope with grief and losing friends?
A: When a parent tells their child or children that say their job has moved, that they have to think about going somewhere else and leave where they are, find a new house etc., the child at this point may have a strong reaction. They might look cross, disappointed, disgruntled, and it's then that parents will go "but but but" - they begin to gloss. Parents SHOULDN'T do that, they should just say "I know" when a child says something like "but it will be hard to leave my friends behind". They should then leave it for a while (a few minutes, hours, days), let the child process it, give them time and space. Let them think about it and hopefully come up with justifications themselves for the move. Also for some people who have recently moved, you will find that sometimes kids like school or the new place, sometimes they don't. For example I was speaking to a girl in Switzerland who said "Switzerland's really rubbish isn't it?". I didn't really respond, I didn't say "how can you say that about Switzerland?" and later the same girl said "mind you, the mountains are nice and the chocolate is good." It's important to let them come to terms with the move, without you constantly trying to drill home the positive points.

Q: What about separating from friends. Do they need a farewell party, or should you visit places they are fond of?
A: I always say that good partings make good arrivals. Help children acknowledge what a special place they lived in. Take pictures of favourite places where you lived even if it's boring things like a park or a shop. With these pictures make an album or book of special places that they can take with them. Make sure that you get e-mail addresses and addresses from people. Take pictures of the actual house or apartment you live in. Some people don't realise they might want to do this until it's full of boxes for moving and everything is in a mess and disorganised.
HOST: I guess that might even help the parents.
RACHEL: Your children will only make as good a move as you are able to foster for them and parents are also coping with loss and change. It might be very hard to put that plastic grin on your face. It's fine to say to your kids things like "I feel sad about saying goodbye to ____ too", or "I will feel sad about not living near the local swimming pool, etc.".

Q: But at some point you do eventually look at the brighter points.
A: When you're talking to children, they have a very powerful internal life, a strong sense of how things are in their minds, their feelings. Pointing to outside things such as treats, rides, mountains, the surrounding culture and so on is only a tiny part of their experience. To feel secure and happy they need an inside feeling of security and comfort that the external things just can't meet. Some people just throw out stuff when they move and say "oh we'll get some new stuff" which isn't necessarily a good idea either.

CALLER, MIKE: I grew up as a military brat, we moved every 3 years more or less.
Q: What difficulties did you face?
A: Well there was definitely the stress of moving a lot. Changing school, for example in one school you might be at the top of your class, but in your new school you were at the bottom. Changing friends was hard as well of course. I think it's made me strong in the long run, but it certainly was hard at the time.
Q: Would you put your children through the same thing now? Would you move them around?
A: No I wouldn't want to. My wife lived in the same house, in the same small town until she grew up. I didn't have that, but I want it for my children.
HOST: Thanks Mike for your comments.

Q: Time to talk about more serious issues. Mike thinks he's a better person for it, but what happens sometimes with some children? Can there be serious ramifications?
A: Yes, some will find it very distressing and disturbing. It effects their ability to develop well and can have an impact on their behaviour and habits.
HOST: Is this more likely to happen with older children?
A: Well I think so. A child's peer group becomes supremely important around 8 and so any disturbances that effect that group are usually more important at an older age.

Q: What signs should parents look out for - what are some signs of not coping?
A: Most signs are behavioural, for example a child not wanting to leave the house, he or she isn't interested in outside activites. Sleep patterns may be disrupted, they might not eat properly or lose their appetite. Also old habits they'd got rid of come back, such as in young children bed wetting or sucking thumbs. Children can also have more coughs and colds. Their immune system goes down. All of these are signs of strain. Generally it's not simply the move that results in this, but it's also difficulties adjusting to the new situation. In many countries you will have the language of origin if it's English (either it will be spoken in the country, or the child will attend an international school where the language is English, even if outside of that enclosure people speak another language) but in some places where there isn't the familiar language, in particular in school, children might feel left out.

CALLER, KEVIN: I moved to Paris at 25, I married a French girl actually. We lived there for 7 years and had two sons. We then moved to Germany when our sons were 5 and 6. We had two more children there. We then moved to Switzerland when they were 5 and 6, so the older ones were 10 and 11. But I wanted to say that it's not just a question of kids, also spouses. The moves were really tough for my wife. Because she wasn't stable, it created knock-on effects for our kids. There was a language change twice - first from English to French and then from French to German. The kids were confused, they didn't know what language to speak. Kids adapt very well, they can put up with a lot. But a couple has to be stable.

RACHEL: A move puts strain on the whole family. You can see stresses popping up all over, which children can pick up on. It requires an enormous amount of tolerance from the non-working partner to working partner and vice versa. The working partner (often the man) wants to get on with life. It's very exciting, with new stimulating challenges. He or she may come home to find his or her partner unhappy, disgruntled or depressed and might say "what's wrong with you, go out and meet people". Women's relations with other women are scientifically proven to help their health in the long-run. One thing that may upset women is social input. The need to find a new support group as quickly as possible, through activities or school-based things perhaps, but they also need to stay in touch with their old support group. One thing I've gotten into recently is Skype, which I think is great for keeping in touch with old friends. Women need to find someone close to them, their mother, a sister, someone you trust. At the inter-spouse level it's also important to avoid glossing and to be prepared to accept grief and work through it.

Q: What steps should be taken if parents think kids aren't coping?
A: The first thing to do is pay attention to the child. Try asking politely what's wrong. However the child probably won't be able to say much or open up. But giving them space to do so can work. For example sympathising with them helps them feel like they have an opportunity to talk and open up - children look for a way in. You can give that to him by saying something like "oh it's not going quite as well as we thought it might". If parents are so positive about the move, how, as a child, do you say it's not going well? The child thinks "they're so happy with it, I can't let the side down". Talk to their teachers as well to see how things are going at school. They can also have friends outside of school, so get involved in activities, sports or otherwise, in your own language. They need to have home bases in their life.

Q: What time of timescale can you expect for transition? What if say after 12 months the child is still unhappy?
A: I think in Kevin's example the kids adjusted pretty well. You should expect that 6 to 8 months after moving they might still be wistful or sorrowful and that's fine. However, if there are still behavioural (sleeping/eating problems), some kind of functional breakdown at this time, you need to find help.

That was the end of the interview, but apparently the same psychologist will be back again next week, presumably at the same time. If I catch the interview again, expect another post along these lines!

Lifestyle habits

Thanks to Brice on TCKID for this! Below are 10 lifestyle habits that are very typical of your average TCK. All of them apply to me - with possibly the exception of 7, but my parents read a lot and I just grew up reading a lot... quite often when I left a country we'd sell off some of the books we'd picked up in the time we were there, but we still tended to move with quite a few.

1. Monthly plans for everything. Phone, Cable TV, and Internet. There’s no way I’ll buy a 3-year plan.

2. Laptop instead of a bulky Desktop PC. It’s useful when you visit family overseas.

3. I prefer to rent furnished. The thought of buying furniture irks me.

4. I don’t heavily decorate my room. Why bother buying fancy curtains and repainting? I’ll move soon.

5. I prefer watching movies online than owning DVDs. No, I’m not a pirate!

6. I’m very frugal. The less stuff I own, the less tied down and happier I feel.

7. I borrow books whenever possible. Ever tried moving a library? It’s not fun - books are heavy!

8. My career is mobile. I like being able to decide where I want to work.

9. I don’t have a large wardrobe at home but I dress well.

10. I don’t own any large pets.

What's funny is that just before I read this ten 'traits', I was buying a few things with my parents for the place I'm moving into in France later this month. I was very reluctant to buy furniture (there's only very basic furniture) and when I finally agreed to buy some, I really only wanted to go for something cheap - why spend lots when you're just going to leave it behind/sell it soon??

Blasé attitude?

Last night I got into a discussion with a couple of family members about our attitude to cultural differences. Obviously being a family of ATCKs/highly mobile parents, we have no problem with cultural differences - in fact that's one of the main reasons for moving around overseas. But what we were discussing was our rather blasé attitude to those differences. Clearly if you were to drop me in say the middle of Kazakhstan, or any other country, I would notice that I was no longer in the same country I was in a second ago. But I don't necessarily consciously notice cultural differences anymore.

When I was in Belgium in particular, in an international setting, there were cultural differences all around me, some of which I picked up on. Others however I didn't notice immediately, especially since I've spent quite a few months (probably adding up to about 2 years) over the last decade in French speaking countries (France and Switzerland). But with the other international people I was around, I frequently noticed that they picked up on differences that I may have noticed, but hadn't consciously thought about. Most of these were the subtle differences that, once you've spent some time in one place, you simply don't notice. So I'm a little unsure whether this comes from simply my mobile background or from the fact that I'm somewhat 'used' to the French style culture that I was in.

Examples of the some of the differences I didn't notice were available foods in the supermarkets, locations of shops/other facilities (e.g. train tracks being right next to main roads, whereas in the UK they aren't), styles of greetings (kissing on the cheek or shaking hands, rather than the no contact British approach), etc.

It makes me wonder if, with time, TCKs gradually lose the ability to get as much out of an overseas experience as we used to. Or is it the other way round - do non-TCKs eventually have the ability to get more out of an overseas experience than we do, as a result of their fixed cultural mindset and their relative inexperience with other cultures? Or do we still get as much out of it as we used to - perhaps even more than a non-TCK - we simply don't necessarily notice it immediately?

On the other hand, when I repatriated, even though I was supposed to be living in my own/home culture, I almost noted the differences more than in my previous host countries. So maybe it's more a question of comfort. When I'm in a country where I am clearly not a native, I feel more comfortable than in a country where I'm a 'hidden immigrant' (i.e. I look the same on the outside and have the nationality, but inside I think different and my cultural views are simply not the same). So even though I might feel like I should fit in, I don't - making the differences more stark in my view than the differences I would experience in a country where I shouldn't and don't fit in culturally. In my recent case in Belgium, even though I looked like I could fit in (being white), I knew in my mind that there was no reason real reason for me to be expected to conform to their culture since I'm not Belgian. On top of that, I don't have a Belgian accent (in French) and my French isn't as fluent as a native speaker's - therefore I'm not really a hidden immigrant there. So in theory I could be a hidden immigrant (ignoring the language aspect) - just without the added pressure of feeling like something was wrong for not fitting in.

Christmas among cultures

The holiday season is beginning to draw to a close, and I hope you've all passed a good Christmas with family/friends/whoever you spent the period with! I've been with family and I'll be heading off to France (or at least a different part of it since I'm already in France) sometime around the middle of January. In the last couple of days I've found a small studio to rent, which is a big relief, since it was getting a little last minute and I thought I'd struggle to find something. Luckily something opened up and so I found something fairly decent at a good price (for a student!). Now I 'just' need to arrange a bank account, phone, internet access...

During the holiday I've been reading through the TCK book by David Pollock and Ruth van Reken and I got to thinking about the few months I spent in Belgium and the cultures I'd met up with there. Most of the time I was with Spaniards, Italians, Germans or English people, not with Belgians, but it meant I experienced a good mix of Western European culture - since they were all nationals of those countries and not TCK's like me, so they had their own home culture. As I mentioned in my previous post, at the end of my stay in Belgium we all got together for a Christmas meal. But when we discussed what to cook, the different cultural traditions came out. The English people wanted to cook a Turkey, the Germans wanted to cook a goose, and a Spaniard said "ah, we can cook a fish!" I didn't really notice it at first to be honest - since I'm used to cultural differences and they are 'normal' to me. I only picked up on it when the others started talking about it.

It was interesting, as a spectator, because I, an ATCK, got to see other adults becoming a form of ATCK. As they were all beyond their developmental years they technically weren't becoming TCKs, but they were experiencing cultural differences first-hand just the way I did first as a child - so actually watching it happen was something new to me.